Perhaps that information would have been more helpful, YESTERDAY

I know I said that I'd start this on 9/11. Things come up. things change.. excuse excuse excuse.

I guess the only thing I can say is, never assume anything. Making plans is for sissies. And perhaps the whole idea that things will stay the same (or not get worse) is for assumptive morons.

The Universe sometimes has some "interesting" ways of manifesting things that you ask for. It rarely, if ever, goes the way that you expect it to.

For the last, well, close to a year, I've been making the same wish upon a star. Every night that I can see the stars in the sky I make the same wish. It's evolved a little bit, but it's basically stayed the same. Even though I have felt many times that there was no way that my wish would come true, I still made it, and I'm still making it even now.

I have known that there were/are a lot of things in my life that needed to change. I wasn't sure how I was going to change them, but I knew they needed to. I was doing what I thought was the best thing to do to change those things. But I had no clue what was going on in the background. Nothing has been "settled" yet. The shoe has not yet dropped; but it's going to, and I know it.

it seemed like times were so much more simple when I was less aware of what was going on around me. If I had a "problem", I would lay out simple steps to try to change it (not always so easy, but simple) and it would get changed. When I wanted to pay down debts so it would be easier for me to go back to school full time and not work, I spent time doing that - making far more progress than even I expected. When I had clear goals, I came up with clear solutions, and fairly easily accomplished them. Of course there may have been drama, but at this point, I don't remember it.

At this stage in my life, I don't think I can say that there's not drama. LOL. And nothing has been all that simple to fix. The solutions that are being handed to me aren't quite so easy or simple - but I see why they're being handed to me, and I can honestly say, that while I didn't expect it to go down THIS way, and I'm not looking forward to dealing with things going down THIS way, I asked for this. I'm being given what I asked for, and for that I'm really grateful. I asked, and the Universe is answering. And frankly, I am in awe.

I really don't have a clue how I'm going to get through all of this. One path seems so much easier than the other (not that it's easy by any stretch), and I am, frankly, hoping that the "easier" path is the one that I am allowed to take or given or whatever. Either way, this is just the beginning of a long period of work and self-discovery.

Right now, I am at the Universe's mercy and I'm not really comfortable with that. We all hope that we have some measure of control over our lives, and maybe we do.. but it's disarming to feel so out of control of our own decisions. Part of me says to trust and have faith; the other says to run and hide but doesn't know where or how. But overall, the loudest voice is saying to be still, and know that in the end, it will all be ok. I like that voice the best. I hope it's right.